Understanding Submodalities: Key Ways to Strengthen Relationships at Home
Understanding sub modalities—how people experience the world through their senses—can make a huge difference in family communication.
Some people understand things best visually, some through listening, and others by feeling. By noticing and adapting to these preferences, you can build closer relationships with family members.
This post will explain sub modalities, why they matter in relationships, and simple ways to use them for a happier, more connected home.
Introduction
Sub modalities are different ways people take in information and interact with the world. They can be grouped into three main types: visual (learning best by seeing), auditory (learning by listening), and kinaesthetic (learning by doing or feeling).
By figuring out which type each family member prefers, you can adjust how you communicate, creating a more supportive and happy home.
You can discover your dominant sensory patterns on the Thinking Thumbprint website.
How Sub modalities Affect Relationships
Everyone has a way they feel most comfortable taking in information.
Visual people enjoy visuals and organization, auditory people respond well to words and sounds, and kinaesthetic people focus on physical touch and activities.
Understanding these types helps you get closer to your family members and have fewer misunderstandings.
Goals of This Blog
- Learn how to spot each family member's submodalities
- Tips for communicating with visual, auditory, and kinaesthetic family members
- Ways to increase understanding and kindness through sensory awareness
Spotting Sub modalities in Family Members
It’s helpful to notice the differences in how family members communicate and what grabs their attention. Here’s a look at how visual, auditory, and kinaesthetic preferences show up at home and tips for noticing each one.
Visual, Auditory, and Kinaesthetic Preferences in the Home
1. Visual Preferences:
Visual people pay close attention to how things look. They might enjoy art, keep things tidy, and prefer seeing things written down or shown in pictures.
2. Auditory Preferences:
Auditory people notice
sounds and words. They might talk a lot, enjoy music, and remember things better when they hear them spoken.
3. Kinaesthetic Preferences:
Kinaesthetic people like doing things and feeling connected. They may enjoy hands-on activities, value touch, and are often very physical.
10 Common Signs of Each Sub nmodality at Home
Visual Signs:
1. Prefers written notes and pictures.
2. Notice small details around the house.
3. Enjoys visually engaging activities like movies.
4. Uses words like "I see" or "It looks like."
5. Keeps personal spaces tidy.
6. Enjoys arts and crafts.
7. Prefers colourful or visually organised areas.
8. Responds well to eye contact.
9. Notices colours and design.
10. Enjoys looking through photo albums.
Auditory Signs:
2. Notices sounds and background noise.
3. Uses phrases like "I hear you."
4. Likes listening to music or audiobooks.
5. Recalls things by repeating them aloud.
6. Notices changes in tone and pitch.
7. Prefers spoken explanations over written ones.
8. Talks to themselves while working.
9. Easily distracted by noise.
10. Enjoys telling or listening to stories.
Kinaesthetic Signs:
2. Use words like "I feel."
3. Prefers hands-on learning.
4. Often enjoys physical activities.
5. Responds well to touch, like a pat on the back.
6. Likes cozy, comfortable spaces.
7. Enjoys physical expressions of affection.
8. Often needs to be “doing” to learn.
9. Prioritizes comfort in surroundings.
10. Likes cooking, gardening, or crafting.
Tips for Observing Family Interactions
By observing people in your family, you will pick up the tell-tell signs of a dominant sensory pattern. The lists below explain what to look for, not just in your loved ones, but in everyone.
- Watch Body Language: Notice gestures, posture, and movement.
- Pay Attention to Words: Listen to whether they say things like “I see,” “I hear,” or “I feel.”
- Observe Reactions: See what they respond to the most, whether it's images, sounds, or activities.
Communicating with Visual-Dominant Family Members
If you have a visual family member, they’ll respond best to things that are easy to see. Try to use visuals to make them feel understood and connected.
10 Ways to Communicate with Visual Family Members
1. Use pictures, drawings, or charts when explaining things.
2. Make eye contact to show you’re listening.
3. Use gestures to highlight important points.
4. Encourage them to draw or make visual plans.
5. Keep shared spaces organized and visually appealing.
6. Create family photo boards or memory walls.
7. Use color coding for things like chores or schedules.
8. Show videos or photos when sharing stories.
9. Leave written notes for reminders.
10. Involve them in decorating shared spaces.
Example Techniques:
- Set up a family bulletin board to display schedules, photos, or notes.
- Use a whiteboard for family plans or fun messages.
Communicating with Auditory Family Members
Auditory family members focus on sound and spoken words. Clear speaking and good listening are important for connecting with them.
10 Tips for Improving Auditory Communication
1. Speak clearly and don’t mumble.
2. Change your tone to emphasize important points.
3. Practice active listening by repeating key points.
4. Avoid loud background noise during conversations.
5. Summarize important ideas at the end of a discussion.
6. Offer verbal praise and encouragement.
7. Encourage them to talk about their thoughts.
8. Keep a calm, steady tone.
9. Make time for family chats.
10. Share music or stories they enjoy.
Tone and Pace Techniques:
- Volume Control: Use a softer voice to show care and warmth.
- Pacing: Slow down when explaining something complex or important.
Connecting with Kinaesthetic Family Members
Kinaesthetic people connect through touch, movement, and hands-on activities. Using physical presence and body language can make them feel valued and understood.
10 Examples of Physical and Emotional Engagement
1. Give a gentle touch during conversations.
2. Go on walks or physical outings together.
3. Share a high-five or a hug when appropriate.
4. Engage in activities that involve movement, like family games.
5. Cook, bake, or garden together.
6. Organize group exercises or outdoor games.
7. Tackle household chores as a team.
8. Include them in crafting or building projects.
9. Plan physical bonding activities, like hiking.
10. Focus on making the home cozy and comfortable.
Ideas for Meaningful Activities:
- Start a family garden that everyone can help with.
- Plan a regular family cooking night where everyone participates.
Building Empathy Through Submodalities
Being empathetic to each family member’s preferences helps create a close family bond. By noticing and respecting these preferences, family members feel valued and understood.
10 Ways to Show Empathy with Sensory Awareness
1. Respect each other’s sensory preferences.
2. Ask open-ended questions to learn more about their likes.
3. Make time for each person to express their feelings.
4. Use affirmations that match their sensory style.
5. Share each other’s favorite activities.
6. Encourage family members to share thoughts openly.
7. Enjoy quiet, distraction-free time together.
8. Practice gratitude for each other’s strengths.
9. Use body language to show interest.
10. Encourage activities that highlight each person’s strengths.
Activities to Try:
- Hold weekly family “check-ins” where each person shares a positive moment.
- Plan a “favourites day” where each family member picks an activity for everyone to enjoy.
Conclusion
Using sub modalities in family relationships can bring everyone closer together. By paying attention to each family member’s preferences—whether they’re visual, auditory, or kinaesthetic—you can build stronger bonds and create a happier home.
Embracing empathy, understanding, and these sensory insights help to create a supportive environment where everyone feels valued.
The Thinking Thumbprint is a website with a free assessment to discover your sensory patterns. It is well worth checking it out a connecting with John Usher, who designs and counsels using the sensory patterns.
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